C-3PO

New Beginnings

2009-01-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

My Grandfather, Alfred Consorto Died when I was very young. I was only 11 at the time. But I can still remember going to his house and sitting in his room as he told me stories about his life. I don’t remember the stories anymore however much I would like to remember them. He was a very large man, having worked concrete for the majority of his life. While he spoke to me, he smoked his cigars and played big band music on an old record player in the corner. He would tell me that I would grow up and do great things one day. He used to go though this photo album with me and explain the pictures even though at the time, I don’t believe I could have possibly understood the meaning of all of it in the larger scope. I all but thought that it was gone forever, but then going though some old things I found it. I don’t usually consider myself a sentimental person. In fact at times I go out of my way to avoid people and items, however this is different, enjoy.

Closer

2009-01-02T05:51:00.000-08:00

New Team...

Small up-grades...
Oh ya this is a subtle setup…

Capital G

2008-12-22T21:57:00.000-08:00

So it is Christmas… this time of the year the women in the house seem to catch the Martha Stewart virus and decorate like the shit is really important. Seriously, my sister had her husband, make the front of the house visible from space and it blinks in succession to music. It’s a little scary. I haven’t been home for “all” of this in about 5 years. Normally, I would find somewhere to hide for the gearing up of Christmas. Oh well, if people can survive jumping out of a plane, surviving this would only be a little less extreme.

Oh ya H. B. is the man.. These are real and they are beautiful.

In other news I have been confronted by two teams for road and both look very attractive I have never been in a situation like this before nor have I ever agreed and planed on racing a full road season before. So to some degree I have no idea what I am getting into. The two teams are Allied Milk and Guys Bikes. I have known the allied milk team for a long time and they are very nice people and they get amazing deals from sponsors. Guys Bikes on the other hand is very large and has a great network of racers that can be helpful for moving up to my goals. So its either parts and clothing, or an almost guaranty that someone else from the team will be at the race. Granted I am only a 3 on the road but I don’t think that that will stand long if I am still here. Hopefully, I will find something significant before March.

2008-12-21T17:52:00.000-08:00

Classical Gas

2008-12-11T16:07:00.000-08:00

So I was looking around the garage and I looked at my trainer. Yes, the sad pestilence that like mosquito’s come once a year and suck the life right out of you. It was battered and in places rusting a little. So I figured screw it I am repainting it.

I started with a 40 grit flapper on a hand grinder then threw it into the sand blaster to take it down to metal. Well, the sand blaster had a small issue, it had a contaminate in the sand creating a small electrostatic discharge. So as I worked was continually shocked on the arm. So I put a jacket on and figured that should be enough insulation. Well, unfortunately the machine I was using had a large latch at crotch level so, ya. It needed to ground out and decided to take the path of least resistance a.k.a. my left ball. I screamed like a little girl in a room with a bunch of wielders in it. I got some real funny looks and they went along on there business. I took off the jacket and took it in the arm. So this is the result of the base coats.

I am not sure if I will paint it with a top coat. If I do I am thinking a pearl white?

New road shoes

My dog Bella is tired of helping out…

Big Empty

2008-11-29T05:01:00.000-08:00

The Whitmore cross race signals basically the end of my cross season. I had an excellent time in long island despite the really “really” difficult races. The first day the wind just destroyed me, I was in the second group for the first 3 laps and made the mistake of allowing my self to get stuck in the 40+ mph wind a quite literally got blown back off the chase group. Plus I will admit I just didn’t feel comfortable. I still had descent races finishing 27 the first day and 24 the second, in the money of a UCI 1 race just not deep enough for my satisfaction.
I will not be competing in Kansas this year. This has been a tepid first season racing at this level for me, at some points the fun factor started to wear thin. This is partially do to my currant condition, lack of support and affective planning on my part. Sometimes providing support to those you love pulls away from what you love. I admittedly have been lazy in my efforts to move on in some aspects of life, mainly to accommodate this part of my life. What role cycling will play in my life is yet to be seen and is solely dependent on the opportunities that I will be presented with, and the help and support of friends.

Ask anyone that is successful with work or life why they are so successful and they will tell you that they enjoy what they do. Well for anyone that has been living in a shoebox for the last 3months the economy really sucks and unless you are planning to work for McDonald's jobs are tight. So substitute teaching is a quick and painless fix with no set schedule. I am still broke as shit but it works for entry fees and gas. I have started an online course to prep for the Praxis and from there I will try grad school and get on the course to a bona fide degree and legit job. A few friends think that I should go to dental school however I don’t want to deal with people and I have no zeal for the subject. In fact I was board thru animal biology, I find ecology and plant biology much more interesting and more difficult. So right now my new goals are to change my current condition move on and find a purpose. I truly want to believe that I am more that a pest in the intricate machine of the world. As long as there is a purpose it is much easier to complete a task.

Show Me How to Live

2008-11-03T20:56:00.000-08:00

So ya, my blue helmet is a little messed up I can still use it but I think that some of my brain cells may still have some use. So I got an awesome new helmet and I look even more like a Smurf than before all I need now are the white gloves.

I had a descent weekend racing, not great, but in the money both days 12th at Fair hill and 8th at the Kelly benefits race. I have to give a huge thanks to Marc and Jan for standing in the pit for me it’s comforting to know that I have friends that will help me out.

Chad bunny hopping the logs...

Time To Pretend

2008-10-27T21:10:00.000-07:00

Here goes nothing…

This weekend was fun I did the Guys Bikes Whirly Bird cross which is in the PAXC series. So it was a small race but surprisingly well organized and under attended. Eight men started the1-2-3 race and it was pouring rain. The first lap I got the whole shot and was pretty far ahead. I miss calculated the tire presser and ended up falling like 5 times on turns. I eventually wised up and took the turns much much slower. So the race ended up between me and Joe from Wiss. We spent the race going back and forth Joe had the better turning and I had the better acceleration and with the soaked ground it was really hard to max out your speed and not fall. The last lap he had the lead and I slid out on a turn and slid a good 10 feet on my ass to the gravel road cussing up a storm. If I had a lap more I could have recovered but it was to late and Joe got the win.

It was a lot of fun actually to do a cold mud race again I missed them. The best part was that since it was on a college campus, there was a nice warm shower after the race. More humorously my father tried to bribe me to go to his wedding with a set of carbon wheels and again… ah no unlike the new wife, I don’t think like a 12 yr old.

After that, I went back to my other distraction the World Series. Which is funny because generally I dislike baseball, however… Go Philly’s Kick Florida’s ass!!!

Opiate...

2008-10-20T18:54:00.000-07:00

Well after Vegas I really haven’t done to much but deal with the family stuff that is every day life. My last race was Granogue and it was an awesome race but I rolled a tire and fell really hard. So I ended up being lapped, again.

Jeremiah Bishop eats it...

Where Is My Mind?

2008-09-29T21:36:00.000-07:00

So Vegas has come and gone. I placed 53 out of the 100+ riders that started the Cat 1 Pro race experience that is Cross Vegas. My mom was quite possably the only sober person at the race other then the racers themselves. Amy and Rob thanks for cheering for Henrys sober or not, it was nice. At the start I remember looking around and realizing “fuck this is the real thing”, "oh fuck". There were maybe a total of 2 riders that were racing that were not 100 % serious about the whole thing. Every single racer was out to rip off another racers dick. Like, really intense shit. The spectators were 3 to 5 deep at parts of the coarse. The gun went off and the amount of flashes from cameras was so intense that I had a hard time seeing wheels to push forward in the start group. At the second turn of the prelude lap I saw a rider in yellow lock up his brake like a junior that isn’t sure of a turn and well, I plowed into him “I had no way to react in time”. The funny thing was well that was Lance Armstrong I just hit full force and he cost me time. I’m thinking oh shit I just railed the biggest name in cycling. Now, I didn’t say a word to him but the pros around me just laid into him “learn how to handle a real bike roadie” was the nice version of what was yelled at Lance. To which after the race I had to laugh at because it wasn’t my fault.
Anyway, as race progressed, I felt my lungs shrink, both the altitude and the complete lack of humidity made my lungs feel like walnuts. The first lap that I hung in with the average pace was around 35 mph. I wanted to literally die. The course was made up of a really weird material very thick turf grass that sapped power big time. Making the pace hurt a lot more. With two laps to go I cracked hard and the lead group finally lapped my group at the very last lap so I was allowed to finish out the race. All said retarded fast really, really fast…
I couldn’t go out that night because my lungs basically collapsed after the race I was weasing. To breathe at all hurt a lot. So for the rest of the week I sounded like a frog.
Interbike was great the expos were amazing Sram earned style points with the free beer "thank you by the way" as well as Capo Forma pulling out the good imports. Shimanos Electric Dura Ace was definitely a high point as well as Campys Super record 11 speed when I asked the Italian presenter why 11 speed? I got the simple response “well why not”? One of the coolest bikes I think was the New Ridley Noah roughened carbon in special points to decrease air resistance slotted fork and rear stay for the same reason and added stiffness. Oh and I ran into Katie, Kevin, Joscelyn, Gonzo and, Kacey while I was out there which it was nice to see some friendly faces from school with all that. Me and Katie

Oh and no Nikki Gudex. Dam...

Monkeys Gone to Heaven

2008-09-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I am going to Vegas tomorrow hopefully I have fun. I did the cross race in Pa yesterday and had a very bad day racing. A real kick to the teeth. However, the first race of the season doesn’t mean shit so on I go… I went with Tom, Laurie, and Jeff and I had fun so the race is just a test anyway. Jeff is a total bad ass racer by the way winning the B men at 15 years old.

My friend Ben gave me earrings to give to Nikki Gudex in exchange for an autograph if I see her in Vegas. Creepy, but in a cool kind of way?
Well, this will be something… I don’t know what, so wish me luck. “I am going to need all, I can get”. A Vegas gamble...

Story of My Life

2008-09-14T17:43:00.000-07:00

Whelp, I tried to get an early cross race in at Bear Creek on Saturday with the possibility of staying to race the second day as well. It was supposed to be two days of cross racing. I figured heck, I want to get at least one real cross race under my belt before Vegas. I drove 2 hours up to the race only to find out that there weren’t enough elite men to hold that race. I was the third elite racer to show. All the other races had already gone, so I did a lap with the elite women just to see the course. In one lap I passed all six of them, so I pulled off feeling a little like a dick even though the promoter gave me permission. Supposedly they were going to have a possible steaming 6 elite men racers on Sunday. Annoyed but defiantly not upset I went home.
No race. No fun. But so is life.. my life.

Well, The Vegas race is the official start of the UCI cross season in the States and it will also mark the very beginning of my race season with completely untested legs. Hopefully some of the racers in Vegas will be really drunk and I can finish really well.

Oh Ya, the PBR thing didn’t work out for multiple reasons so I am racing for Henrys Bikes.

So What'cha Want

2008-09-06T19:21:00.000-07:00

My Brother in-law and me decided to go and watch the Red Bull soapbox race in Manayunk. For those that don’t know the Hurricane went through Philly today all day. So it was dumping buckets all day and the wind was intense but it was warm so it wasn’t to bad. My “rain coat” soaked though in about 2 hours so that was a bust.

There were so many people there it was almost claustrophobic at times. People were drinking smoking (pot and cigs) and loud. But it was a lot of fun actually...I started a conversation with some of the guys on the sidewalk and eventually talked them out of two beers.
Then I meet Elvis. Yes, Elvis himself was there…
The actual races were funny as shit most of the carts were made with dry conditions in mind. So they crashed a lot. Some people did get hurt but not as many as I thought would. The crowd booed at the crappy runs and cheered for the crashes and good runs. There were also a lot of E-A-G-L-E-S-eagles cheering, and of course a drunken gathering isn’t complete without the U-S-A cheering? And one side of the street would try and be louder and more drunk than the other. It was a lot of wet fun...
Mayor Nutter riding down the street.

Credit in the Straight World

2008-09-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, well I never claimed to be the brightest crayon in the box. However it was dark out and I wanted to finish cutting the lawn while it was cool outside and I had the time. The bigger mower the cub cadet is well dead for the time being. Normally the lights on that are good enough that I can finish up. This little ones lights suck, but the dam thing fly’s. It’s the first mower that I can power slide easily and on purpose, it just doesn’t reverse. Hey what ever works right?

Break On Through

2008-08-28T21:27:00.000-07:00

Well, today I decided I needed to do something different for once. The last time I went to the Philadelphia Art Museum it was my freshman year at Penn State and the trip was for a class so I didn’t get much enjoyment out of the experience. This week the featured exhibited on rotation was a famous Indian artist Nandalal Bose. I was a great exhibit that displayed the change in his art over time and how art school, which he failed in, didn’t affect the quality of his work. Most of the works displayed had deep religious under tones First and for most Hinduism than a little Christian influence then toward the end of his life Chinese and Japanese art were a heavy influence. I personally liked “Decent of Ganges” and “Fishes in the Currant” they both displayed the vast change in his work and the contrast in the person he was and became. In the main exhibit you cant take pictures I have some sketches but that’s for me only.

I love how in any large exhibit hall, people automatically walk in the same concentric circles around the room almost exclusively counter clock wise. I like to stand toward the middle of the room an then walk up to each individual peace in no particular order sometimes skipping a peace only to go back and examine the one I skipped later. My favorite rooms at least today were the 18 to 19th century impressionism and 19th century pastels. They have a wonderful collection of Monet’s works. Monet was always interesting but to actually see the paintings themselves and the texture of the paint over the canvas it’s absolutely amazing. I have to admit I couldn’t help but smile a little looking at them. I also always saw Degas art as fuffy but the actual composition of his art is inspiring. He used both lighting and as well as perspective to pull your eyes toward the main subject of the piece, and very affectively I might add.Then I went to the more historical parts with different cultures works covering most religious works and also the mid evil weaponry. All was very interesting and I really enjoyed myself I spent 5 hours just walking around and looking at the exhibits. I would really suggest to anyone to not just look at the museum as the place that a crappy movie was filmed and go in, you might enjoy it.

Right Where It Belongs...

2008-08-24T21:19:00.000-07:00

Recently I spent the weekend in Ocean City NJ. I haven’t been to a Northern beach for more than a few hours since I was about 10 years old, so this visit was I a bit of a shock. It truly amazed me how the beaches are like rich suburbs of Philadelphia. People come in droves to crowd on a beach and never talk to anyone but the people that they came with. I sat down and tried to wrap my head around the shear mass of human flesh that accumulated on the shore every day and why? The numbers are staggering. It’s a far cry from the miles of empty white sands of the outer banks in winter, or the perfect hike along St. Joseph peninsula in Florida where you feel like you are the only person alive on this earth. Strangely walking along the crowded beach in Jersey I felt that same isolation that I have when I was the only soul for miles. A grim reminder of how lonely this world can be. If I am to be alone, I prefer to actually be alone and not around pollution.

Once I came to the realization that no one was communicating directly with anyone other then the people they had already came with, I realized the ridiculousness of the situation. People dressed in skimpy bathing suits to show of their physic to the world “some that shouldn’t”, as if to say “I am here, look at me”. Most never get into the water and pour lotion on to protect them from the sun. It’s so regular that even the ecological systems around the areas of these shores depend on this display, at least to some degree. The local shore birds depend on the fat slobs that discard their food. I don’t find comfort or enjoyment in the commercialization and degradation of a natural resource. What is more interesting is that in some cases, the display of the people is more of an attractant for people than the beach itself? It’s a strange and warped system where people display themselves to others for nothing more than self-gratification and swim in their own inadvertent pollution. It felt like an elaborate dream where nothing was what it seemed to be. I looked at myself in the mirror afterwards and ask is this all I want to be? Just a goat among the masses of sheep in the world?

Ataraxia

2008-08-12T22:35:00.000-07:00

Life is a tightrope act, lean to hard to one side and you fall. Eat too much you become fat, eat too little you whither away into a slender comic of yourself and die. On one side you want to be a great person, on the other you don’t care about the outcome. Growing up we liked to think that there is a safely net to catch us if we fall. This is greatly a reliance on fear. Fear is the balance beam that we carry into the dark shadows of the act, hoping to help us keep balance.

We know that there are consequences to failure, but what are the consequences to success? Can we accept the good along with the bad? I find that we as individuals have to continually ask ourselves “who am I and what do I want?” Is it success that is the path to happiness or is it the subversive failure that we subconsciously crave. Or are we simply afraid of the consequences of success? What will it mean about us? What does it make you? Good or Evil.

However, is evil a universal point, and do we all have to accept the duality of this existence? Many of us try and believe that the world is a gray spot, neither black nor white. However, once you have strayed to far to one side, we are suddenly reminded that there is no net below us and oddly never was one, only someone’s out-stretched hand.

Finding a purpose.

2008-08-05T00:11:00.000-07:00

I decided to post some music it's lacking the band that used this image. But strangely I can relate to it.

Whaa

2008-08-01T20:24:00.000-07:00

So I did it, I am registered for Cross Vegas and I am scared shitless, because, well dam it’s a big deal race. This will be interesting at the very least, I have to get faster, much faster, and fast...

I have been riding my cross bike on single track mountain bike trails for 3 to 4 hours at a time not including some breaks. I have to admit it is really fun to fly past guys with full on 5-inch suspension travel bikes on a delicate cross bike. They really just look at you like your crazy.

Yesterday I had an issue when I flatted in the middle of white clay “an urbanized park” and forgot a tube. That park is closer to my Aunt Pats than home and I ended up waiting for my mom to pick me up from grocery shopping. But the nice thing was I was only 2 miles from the market.

Oh, and i did this on an older bike oops! Rocks bad.

Art...

2008-07-31T09:11:00.000-07:00

This is a weird subject for me. Art for me is stress relief and no more. I actually dislike my own art and would rather though it out before any thing else. This is for multiple reasons.

However, I do greatly appreciate the creations of other artists my two favorite artists are René Magritte and Salvador Dalí. Mariette more than Dali, Dali spawned many artists that copied his style and it almost becomes generic once you get past the shock value. Other artists like Edvard Munch was an excellent artist and I feel it’s a shame that he is only known for The Scream because I don’t think it was his best work.
I tend to like what most people consider a strange art style, surrealism. I also admittedly really like some newer artists Derek Hess is a very good artist. Although not my favorite artist, his art is really thought provoking and simple at the same time. Plus I respect artists that can draw with pen it’s a very difficult way to draw.

Apparently I’m Evil

2008-07-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

At least that’s still the opinion of some people, and oh well maybe I am? Or maybe they are evil and I’m middle-of-the-road. In that taxonomy of life I don’t care about the opinions of people who don’t know me.

Well I bought a power tap and yes, it is the coolest thing since sliced bread, oh ya, its wireless. It’s really interesting to me to see real data instantaneously on the computer. I really don’t know how to intemperate the data in relationship to personal performance yet, but I am reading up on it. Hopefully, if I can ever afford a coach this will be an extremely useful tool. In the mean time it’s really cool. Also I just want to say that I will never be comparing power out puts to anyone. Measuring ones “power penis” and comparing it to others is well just wrong and frankly annoying.

I also made a chain whip to change cassettes and it works extremely well. Actually a little better than a real one because of the mechanical advantage. It was a steel broomstick and an old PC-990 chain.
Lately, I really haven’t been riding too much helping my dad move, and bad weather has been hampering my fun. The last storm knocked out our power for 8 hours so I went to the new batman film with my mom. Thats my sister running away from me and my camra in the dark.

Batman was a good movie, but its 3 hours long. The best part at least I thought it was funny were the three guys behind us, quoting comic book editions in relation to the movie.

Fair Hill

2008-07-15T23:36:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was the Fair Hill mountain bike race, basically my home race. I wasn’t feeling too fast seeing how I rode 24.5 hours earlier along the course of the week, in fact I was just planning on finishing. I rode my bike to the race from home casually and registered in the senior 1 expert class. The start of the race was quick and after the first 5 miles I found myself alone, eventually even catching some of the pro field. So I kept a steady pace and won. I finished in 2 hours and 6 min over 28miles. I won a tent and a Beer glass that says 1st place. Fun day. I think I may race pro next time.

Hot wax makes you go fast.

2008-07-15T23:17:00.000-07:00

So I have the gift of being part ape-man, which to a large degree is due to my Italian heritage. Not much I can do right. Well I have been riding a lot of road lately I find that riding a mountain bike any longer then 5 hours in training is just fucking retarded and anyone doing so is dumb. A 9-hour road day is much preferred. I had the issue of bugs in my arm hair a nasty little annoyance. So like other useless annoying things in my life I decided to just remove it rather than have to deal. So my sister lovingly volunteered to wax my arms.

The Poker Run

2008-07-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

The poker run is kind of a tradition more than anything else for the local mountain bikers around here. It’s been around since I started racing. Its original idea was a way for the locals to see the Fair Hill racecourse before the race and the Delaware trail spinners pick up some extra funds. Now they just handed out tickets and had a drawing at the end. But you use to have to stop draw a card and make a poker hand at the end of the ride and the best hand got the first pick of the prizes. I miss that terribly because it made it fun not just another group ride.
Oh, and this ugly man is Jim, a good freind of mine.

Plumbing.

2008-07-03T19:34:00.000-07:00

Okay so my dad and me had to fix the leak in my mom’s bathroom. Now the leak was coming from the angle valve and since it was an old turn valve we first tried the easiest route and just replace the guts of the valve with a new valves internals, and replace the old jiffy tube. Well it worked kind of, the body apparently had a crack in it. That became apparent when dad reattached the valve to the toilet. I was walking down stairs to check on the dogs and them I heard a symphony of cursing and water. I heard my dad yelling fuck ahghaaa turn the fucking water offff now shit fucking hoer. I ran downstairs to the basement hit the valve and in the process dropped one of the dogs. When I came up stairs water was everywhere, the ceiling the floor, my dad, everywhere. My dad’s response was fuck well we have water pressure. So I pulled the B-tank up to melt the solder and we pulled the old valve of and replaced it with a new quarter turn with a compression fitting.

Buddha and the Bandit

2008-06-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

I was reading another book on religions again and came across this story. I really like it for its personal significance so here it is.

Buddha was once threatened with death by a bandit called Angulimal.

"Then be good enough to fulfil my dying wish," said Buddha. "Cut off the branch of that tree.

"One slash of the sword, and it was done! "What now?" asked the bandit.

"Put it back again," said Buddha.

The bandit laughed. "You must be crazy to think that anyone can do that."

"On the contrary, it is you who are crazy to think that you are mighty because you can wound and destroy. That is the task of children. The mighty know how to create and heal."
~The Zen Tales

http://people.tribe.net/hunabku/blog/b2f346e8-5726-496f-a482-0acd9b048d20

New Cross Team

2008-06-26T21:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I probably will be racing for Human Zoom PBR for the 2008 cross season since Bikeline doesn’t cover cross. So I went to the first meeting and they all seem to be decent enough racers. This season I will be a shit load faster than ever before, at least that is the plan with the 30-hour base weeks. So this should be interesting. I will make it out to Cross Vegas and Interbike at the end of September and my goal is a front-page finish in the pro race.

New stuff to make my life easier!

2008-06-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

As some people may know I have been searching for a cheap pair of sandals that would hold up nicely, and I present to you my 20-dollar Teva sandals. I probably spent more in gas looking for them but I like them.Well I have an Ipod now but I needed a nicer pair of earphones, because the traditional ear buds hurt a lot and I have to tape it into my one ear for riding. So I got the skull candy ear buds. They are pink because I decided to support breast cancer research “that, and they were cheaper”.

WTF mate?

2008-06-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

Well the Italian festival has come and going but last week mom was in frenzy over this church thing. She was proud that this year she didn’t volunteer but as always mom couldn’t help but to be, well… mom. So she volunteered me as well isn’t that sweet. To top it off she raved about how much fun it was, and again I am confused. As always...

Myxomatosis

2008-06-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

So this week I rode for 25+ hours 98% of the time alone. I rode over 18 hours last week and decided that much was not enough. I thought to myself the worst thing that can happen is I die in the ditch or get faster. Either one is an acceptable self-removal from work or staying in the house for the time being. I have come to the conclusion that people don’t like to think for themselves anymore and instead prefer to be told what to think either through the television, religion or advertising. Hey for most of America I believe that the television has become their religion. I actually prefer not to have a television. What is advertised as healthy is health what ever is believed to be correct to the general population is right. It is nice to remove yourself from the machine that is society and make decisions alone without external input from others. You learn a lot about yourself and the connections we make to others by suffering alone for so long. First I am way calmer because of these extended self-excursions although I probably lost a considerable amount of brain cells in the process.
I spent much of my time considering my words and actions of the past few years. Some decisions proved to be good for others as well as myself. Some were selfish and still others were hurtful, although most hurtful actions were the result of not considering the outcome. I have never wished to “truly” hurt anyone by direct action; life has a way of repaying actions on its own. I don’t believe in a heaven and hell, world in opposites type of reality, but as with my belief in science, a big gray spot. I have decided that at least for me, life is a battle between the man I desire to be and the man I am at that moment. I think that all I can expect to want in this existence is to be at peace with myself, and with the world me. Riding at this moment is helping me with that; it’s a simple mechanical action that is similar to a type of meditation. The world stops, at least for a little while and I can try and figure things out.
A relationship and all that word implies, weather it is between friends or others are all about trust. Without trust between both parties, the connection between the two is more like a form of self inflicted torture. Which no one wants to hurt so they seek out otherwise meaningless interactions to avoid “true pain”. This is how a person living in a densely populated area can be so alone. We are so afraid of being hurt that we ignore the good people in front of us. Without trust friends then feel fake and the world seems to have a plasticity to it that is unnatural. Since the origin of suffering is desire, and sad is the craving of what cannot be obtained, emotional pain must be an introverted response, or is it more? Trust is difficult to explain and even understand because there are such varying degrees that we trust others and even ourselves. However if I don’t trust myself how can I trust anyone?

I disgust blind faith that is targeted towards conformity...

Maybe this rant is just the result of severe sunstroke “that is a possibility”.

Philly weekend

2008-06-10T21:09:00.001-07:00

I made very good acquaintances this past weekend. Ed Weirauch is a good friend to my family as well as myself. He got me in working for the Philadelphia International Pro Race I was supposed to drive I rode shot gun mostly instead and helped with a few other things. I learned a lot as well. The driving was actually pretty intense at times the other team cars are insane. The pictures don’t do the race justice. I made ridiculously large posters for Scott Andrew and Kacey. They all did really amazing and I am super envious of all of them. My camera died half way though the day the battery died. The race thermometer actually spun around twice during the race so it was really f^*&ing hot out. Kacey finished 31 over all and won the U23 women’s which dam that’s cool. Scott had some issues with a flat and chased back on in my opinion that in and of its self deserves a metal I was in the car behind and cheered for him as we whizzed by. That race was retarded fast and long. Talansky amazed the shit out of me and finished on the heals of the main field the out of 250 starters only 81 finished I watched really experienced and in some cases pro tour riders pop off the race and this dude stuck it out. They all always had my respect, and I am truly proud of them as well. All and all a really cool weekend…

Odocoileus virginianus

2008-06-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

In a local road race I hit a deer, “literally”… I went to the race for fun and to socialize because I don’t know anyone anymore. I’m actually riding base. Even some of the people I thought were really cool growing up aren’t the same. However some are just as cool as I remember. They haven’t forgotten that the reason you ride and race is fun. The day I don’t like putting my leg over a bike is the day I stop.

With the deer incident, the kid next to me took the initial hit I only ran over its leg. I held the kid next to me up as he slid to a stop on his taco’ed wheel. I shit you not. The deer was running along side of the race then the moron decided we looked like bushes moving at 30mph and tried to duck under us. I felt its leg break under me, which was weird and cool at the same time. The guy behind me apparently broke his collarbone. Unfortunately there is no you tube of that. Then the field ahead attacked I had to bridge up solo and then sat of the back waiting for the rest of the field and urged the front pack to wait for the crash that I was a part of. The killer is, once the pack behind caught on. Someone and I’m not naming names hear, blamed me for driving the pace of the group that attacked. Which is a neat trick when I hit the dam deer in the first place. I was very close to pushing him into the gutter. He has poor handling on the bike and off; it would have been extremely easy, “thank you Winger”. I instead ignored his BS and actually told him to watch his mouth. Me, I was actually offended by someone’s retarded use of cursing mainly because it was pointed and highly unwarranted. Maybe I am maturing? Or not… Cursing casually, or if it has a purpose its fine, but he actually was making himself look bad. Pointless I know…

Clean Fun

2008-06-10T13:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, I cleaned my room found an old can of sobe. i think sobe needs to re-think the message they were sending...

Really and what is "it".

Phil Collins is right... I don’t care any more

2008-05-25T21:13:00.000-07:00

Well this week was exciting I rode 12 hours in two days and still raced and actually finished. I have come to the conclusion that road riding on a mass scale can really kill your handling abilities on a mountain bike.

I literally ran my bike 40 percent of the race. A fairly sad endeavor I must say. But the cool thing was I was totally fine, I wasn’t even tired, my sides hurt like hell and so did my back but I felt worsted at my last crit? It was really weird.

The race left me in eighth place out of 25 starters 21 finishers and won poison ivy all over my knee.

I road to the Chesapeake earlier in the week to get lunch that’s about 2 hours down and couldn’t find a legal bridge over to Perryville so I got an ice cream cone and sat down at the VA center and enjoyed the day for 30 minutes and took the long way back home an then some.

Then it rained on me some and I could watch the storms come at me... FUN!

At home my mom insured me that I will still gain weight and not the good way but very enjoyably.

I bought a white jersey for road races Bikeline doesn’t sponsor road and I want a road and supported cyclocross team so this is an obvious way to advertise that I am a blank CAT 3 road rider with some or no talent.

whats up..

2008-05-20T14:26:00.000-07:00

So I graduated with a Bio degree, and now I’m home nothing to do but ride my bike and work for dad. Unfortunately for me there is a lot of shit that needs to be fixed.

screening in the porch...

fixing second floor toilet and first floors ceiling..
and the always broken tractor.

So in my spare time I have been sending out Race Resumes for cross season and filling out job applications some in Europe.

My Life History
R2D2 & C3PO on Sesame Street
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTuTjbFt5CI

Regenerating Parts

2008-05-20T14:21:00.000-07:00

So I figure I should try this shit one more time. I will warn all readers I will be posing eco essays when I have nothing to say “I don’t care get over it”.